Are guys afraid of commitment?

What do you think? In the context of a relationship.

Guys, maybe you can shed some light on this? Thanks :)

Phony money is fun... Sometimes.

I've started to feel really bored after spending 5 days of my study week back home. There's nothing much to do besides ...

1. understanding brand audit
2. researching on some brands and products
3. watching DVDs and television
4. the occasional reading
5. Facebook-ing
6. discovering and reading blogs
7. blogging
8. listening to Pastor Wah Lok's alto caroling again and again, trying to get it right
9. brooding for some reasons
10. some effort-full stretching and exercise
11. online sampai malam buta
12. dreaming every night and scaring sanity out of myself

So... today I decided we should go out for a meal :) Mummy. brother and I jumped into the Honda with excitement of leaving the 'shack' for fresh air.

5.35pm dinner at Kopicana? Kopikana? Yea, it's early but what to do... I am hungry already. Mom had Nasi Lemak Set, my brother black pepper chicken with rice and me... sandwich and fries :) I thought my meal looked pathetically tiny but kid me not... it was HUGE.

Got ourselves some fruits. Woohoo! So we had nangka after dinner while watching television. Out of boredom and out of the blue I asked my brother to take out the Saidina board game. Heard of it?

Maybe you've not. So here it is...



Boleh recall? It's a Penang Island board game... You can buy Tanjung Bungah... Esplanade... Lebuh Cannon dan lain lain... Then after securing yourself lands, you can invest further in houses and upgrade it to hotels! Interesting don't you think?

So, we have the obligatory phony cash and the Banker (me was the Banker).

Brother and I had fun :) It was a clean game. No cheat and all fun and no crying because 'I felt like a loser. Boohoo!'

Jadi siapa bankrap? Not me :D My poor brother la... One by one he had to gadai lands and houses. Total: 11 gadaian for a RM9100 debt to me. WEE HEE HEE.



He gadai-ed all but sadly he was still short of RM200.



So, that's the end of the game ;) He was reluctant to end the game and asked if he could owe me and I said no. 'In every game, there's a winner but it is not you this time. You beat me the next time.'

Shower time. We so kan cheong until we perspired. Oopsie.

I am very tired now but the day does not end now. There's still something left to do.

Yoohoo?

Smiles everywhere

Quick Fix Dinner

So... today, my brother and I didn't want to go out for our dinner. My family haven't been having home-cooked meals for a few months now because my mother couldn't really stand long hours cooking or maybe... she's lazy ;p haha. Joking.

Dad and mom are out to have their dinner somewhere in Kepong and I, being the elder sister at home made dinner. I like it simple ;) well actually there aren't much foodstuff in the fridge to be used either... So here's what I cooked up, if I can use the word -cook- at all.



So... this is dinner for me and my brother. He just recovered from fever yesterday and see what his sister did for him? Awwww! Hee hee.

Beat two eggs, mix in some tuna (from the fridge, those that are mixed with mayonnaise for sandwich?), pour it into the pan greased with fragrant olive oil ( mine's infused with basil). Tada!

Oh and the bread I toast it the the oven with some olive oil.

It's really a quick fix from a responsible sister ;)

Made sure I threw in some greens too! Not a meal without greens.

Mary, did you know?

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will one day walk on water?
Did you know
That your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
That your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered
Will soon deliver you

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Did you know
That your baby boy will calm a storm with His hand?
Did you know
That your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little boy
You've kissed the face of God

Mary, did you know?
The blind will see
The deaf will hear
And the dead will live again
The lame will leap
The dumb will speak
The praises of the Lamb

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Did you know
That your baby boy will one day rules the nations?
Did you know
That your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding
Is the Great I Am

Do not condemn your past.

Do not condemn your past if you are better today.
Celebrate your change.

Don't we all ought to think this way. The word will be a better place if we do not allow the devil to haunt us because of our past.

Don't try to quote me! HAHA.

I don't want to be here!!!

When I was in Kampar, I felt like coming back home but now I wish I was back in that little town.
I am wanting to go back to Kampar...

Sigh... Heartaches caused by your own family is hard to swallow and it makes me wonder how much I have caused my parents. If I could, I want it my way but now in my mind I ask myself, what is God's way? Which makes me question what I have gotten myself into... but it is the best thing that has ever happened to me so far. So, how? What do you want me to do?

It hurts :'( It hurts so much to think this.

Love is in the air by John Paul Young

Love is in the air
Everywhere I look around
Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound

And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

Love is in the air
In the whisper of the trees
Love is in the air
In the thunder of the sea

And I don't know if I'm just dreaming
Don't know if I feel sane
But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when you call out my name

(Chorus)
Love is in the air
Love is in the air
Oh oh oh
Oh oh oh

Love is in the air
In the rising of the sun
Love is in the air
When the day is nearly done

And I don't know if you're an illusion
Don't know if I see it true
But you're something that I must believe in
And you're there when I reach out for you

Love is in the air
Every sight and every sound
And I don't know if I'm being foolish
Don't know if I'm being wise

But it's something that I must believe in
And it's there when I look in your eyes

<3

SUPER EMO NOW. A LITTLE DEPRESSED.

Reason vs Eros (Far from the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy)

I have been spending most of my time reading and watching good movies on pirated DVDs. Should I mention pirated here? Well, it's done...

So if law enforcers decide to do some random search on Google and find my blog, which I am quite positive they wouldn't spend their time doing this since they are not even active at sites where we have pirated DVDs-sellers roaming at large i.e. Pasar Malams or hawker centers... so I shall not dwell further on this and go on with what I have in mind.

Currently, reading Far from the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy.

It revolves around a rare beauty, Bathsheba Everdene in the 19th century who captured the hearts of three men with very different personalities and values, considering their background. One man, Gabriel Oak, a farmer by occupation never ceased to love her despite him witnessing her many falls from pride, a reckless nature and weak emotions. Farmer Boldwood, brought up with a difficult childhood to become a man who feels no love until disturbingly aroused by a prank Valentine Bathsheba sent him. Lastly, Sergeant Troy a man who carelessly speaks his thoughts with no consequence, free and gay, seeking profit in all his going about. Her beautiful countenance, one may say her strength but another her weakness saw her in great distress as she search for her life partner. Her naivety and carelessness played foul with three men but how does the story unfold? Such a maiden so promising and wonderful in all her ways.

Well... I am not going to further describe the book. But if you do enjoy clever romance, do get hold of this book. It's very engaging and witty and I can't help being in a quizzical state of why humans can lose raison d'être because of love. Is love such a strong emotion that makes us all woozy. As one who experiences romance herself, I ask myself how any person with strong principles and good values admit defeat to Eros? The flesh is weak even though the spirit is willing.

Matthew 25:41

⁴¹"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

I have not done it! Everyone say 'WOW!' and is there anyone like me out there?

Not once have I been to the Karaoke! Can you believe that? Well if I say I have not gone clubbing you would say 'Yea... that's alright because it's not for everyone anyway...' Hahaha.

And yes... I have not been to the clubs or the karaoke... Bleh!

What got me writing about this is because my neighbor is singing so loud that I cannot ignore. However, good for me because I am enjoying his singing a lot.

He's now mendendangkan lagu melayu. Makes me wonder what song is that because it is nice :) Good that his voice is merdu or else I would be complaining already ;)

Earlier he was singing 'Chia Ke Wo' that is Marry Me in Chinese. Nice too.

And oh he's repeating the song again... :) The Malay song... I think he likes it a lot. I wonder who is this good-voiced guy. I think he's playing the guitar now and singing? Wow... I like singing too! Come I teman him... Can I? Hahahaha. Joking.

See how good weather and chocolates can get me hyped. Yes, he is with the guitar. And of course, a good start of the week!

It's alright I am saving it for someone special! We karaoke together yeah! Hehehehe.

Praying the Prayer of Micah

Do not rejoice over me, my enemy;
When I fall, I will arise;
When I sit in darkness,
The Lord will be a light to me.

I will bear the indignation of the Lord,
Because I have sinned against Him,
Until He pleads my case
And executes justice for me.
He will bring me forth to the light;
I will see His righteousness.

Then she who is my enemy will see,
And shame will cover her who said to me,
"Where is the Lord your God?"
My eyes will see her;
Now she will be trampled down
Like mud in the streets.

...

Who is a God like You,
Pardoning iniquity
And passing over transgression of the
remnant of His heritage?
He does not retain His anger forever,
Because He delights in mercy.

He will again have compassion on us,
And will subdue our iniquities.
You will cast out all our sins
Into the depths of the sea.

You will give triumph to Jacob
And mercy to Abraham,
Which You have sworn to our fathers
From days of old.

Micah Chapter 7 verse 8-10, 18-20

Revelation1 (NKJV)

Revelation 1:8

“I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End,” says the Lord, “who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.”

Revelation 1:13-16

And in the midst of the seven lamp stands (the churches)
One like the Son of Man, clothed with a garment down to the feet and girded about the chest with a golden band (priestly royalty).
His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and His eyes like a flame of fire (eternity and wisdom);
His feet were like fine brass, as if refined in a furnace (God’s unchanging nature), and His voice as the sound of many waters (His commanding authority);
He had in His right hand seven stars (pastors or guardian angels assigned to the churches),
out of His mouth went a sharp two-edged sword (His word), and His countenance was like the sun shining in its strength.

Revelation 1:18

“I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and of Death (Jesus is Lord over the worlds of live and death)

Shoes and Socks are equally as Important

Spending my weekend back home has been great :)

I was apprehensive about singing for Sunday's service because there were a few songs I was unfamiliar with- As high as the heavens and Take me deeper... I did my homework and practice as much as I could so I won't mess up the entire worship session. No, I will never let that happen. Praise the Lord it was good. We all had a great time worshiping the Lord. I hope our Father in Heaven is well-pleased with our singing.

Pastor Sam Wong amused me the same this time round like he did end of last year. This is my second encounter hearing him preach. His funny and engaging demeanor helped present his much conviction and weighty sermons in a light and jovial way that would otherwise be very offensive to some in my opinion. That said, enough solemnity in his speech provoked the congregation into serious reflection. Though he digress at many points, his jokes always have an implied message to reinforce the direction of his sermon.

Fitting shoes, loose socks.
Loose shoes, fitting socks.

Either way it doesn't work good for us.

Wear both fitting shoes and socks and you will be able to walk well, run well, jump well. And best, you don't sprain your ankles, sustain blisters and eeky things and such. Isn't it a fine proposal then?

Fitting socks and shoes are good for you and me.

Psalms 139: 23 -24 (New International Version)

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Glory- Casting Crowns

You are holy in this place
You are worthy of my praise and we worship You
Jesus we worship You

You're the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords
You're the Master of the Universe
You're the Ruler of all Nations
And we sing to You,
we sing to You.... we sing to You...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are holy in this place
You are worthy of my praise and we worship You
Jesus we worship You

(You're the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords
You're the Master of the Universe
You're the Ruler of all Nations
And we sing to You,

When You call my name, I'll run to You
I'll do anything You ask me to
Falling on my knees I worship You, my Lord )
We give You GLORY
We give You GLORY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(When You call my name, I'll run to You
I'll do anything You ask me to
Falling on my knees I worship You, my Lord)

We give You GLORY
We give You GLORY
We give You GLORY
We give You GLORY
We give You GLORY

Here I am. Send me, Lord! (Isaiah 6:8)

You are the Way, the Truth and the Life
We live by faith and not by sight
For You, we are living all for You!

Not our will but Yours. We'll surrender to Your call!

Whom shall I send? , says the Lord.

Call us. Send us. We are here with a willing heart full of commitment.

All He Ever Wanted was Love. Jesus waits.

He did all He could. He confessed His love for us. He told us to obey Him and to remain in Him just as He remains in us. He wants us to experience a joy that is overflowing, as our relationship with Him deepens.

He rebukes and corrects us so that we will realize and repent from our mistakes and not repeat them again. Because sin mars a beautiful picture. He does it with much heartache and hope. Yes, God forgive our sins and remember them no more but as mere humans, more often than not, we are unable to forgive ourselves that easily.

Because He desires only good for us, He encourages us to go on, to love others just as He loved us. He reminds us that our rewards will be heavenly rewards and though we might feel disappointed and tired doing good because it seems pointless, we should press on and finish the race. He want us to live fully and meaningfully.

He never gave up on us. We gave up loving Him and we turn away from Him to live on our own in singleness, forgetting the covenant we made with Him, forgetting the promise and commitment we once muttered without much thought. We forgotten Him in our hectic life and our searching for our selfish goals. We stumble. We sin but He is still there.

His promise to us is never made simply without much thought. When He confess His love for us and when He say He will never leave us nor forsake us, He didn't mean it lightly. He was making a lifetime promise to us. Always waiting and watching us, hoping that we would come. In His love and commitment, He waits. He doesn't force us but He waits and prays for us to once again open our eyes from blindness to see Him again.

Every time we turn away, He waits again. He feels pain but because He love us like a lover loves his romantic partner, Jesus waits.

Honoring God by Putting Him First

I read about Abraham's obedience and faith in God today during my quiet time. I am amazed that he is able to sacrifice even his son. Abraham must have loved his son Isaac so much but because the Lord have spoken, Abraham obeyed the Lord.

How did he do that? If the Lord were to ask me to sacrifice my loved one, I think I will not be able to do it. What is needed for me so that I will have the same faith and obedience to the Lord?

I know the Lord will not ask me to kill my loved one because sin sacrifices was only done in the past and because of the Perfect Lamb of God that was slain to redeem mankind back to God, today we do not need to do the same.

However, I know that I have to set my priorities right. God must always be first and then the rest. Right now and previously, my priority has not been God. I know clearly that I have not loved Him enough. I know that I find it hard to obey Him in many things.

He has been speaking to me for sometime now about a certain something that I will need to sacrifice to honor Him. I have been struggling because I am unable to die to my selfish desires. The Lord also spoke to me through a dear friend of mine, through the Scriptures and also through impressions. What do I do? I am in a dilemma. I know I must but I wouldn't.

I asked the Lord to help me. I have been doing my quiet time. May I know His love deeper that I will sincerely seek to know Him and to please Him in all I do and then, if it really means to sacrifice or forgo something out of my will... that I will be obedient to Him.

I know already what I must do but I failed Him. I couldn't say 'Let Your will be done, not mine.'

Lord, see my troubled heart and deal with me in Your kindness.

Psalms 139:23-24

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;

And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Lord, help your servant!

Draw near to God and flee from Sin

Today's meditation:

James 4:7-8

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Being a Befriender to Not Just One but to All

Am I able to make good friends that I will keep for life? I think I do not have the natural ability to do that because I am not a friendly person. Mummy told me that I shy away from people when I was a little girl by hiding behind her skirt when I meet unknowns. To many who are around me, many not all; they may think that I am an outgoing and social person.

Those who observe closely will however realize that I am only talkative to select people. Only when I am surrounded by close friends that I feel very comfortable to express my thoughts and just be. I am not afraid of judging eyes among my closest circle of friends and there is the least of effort from my end to impress and advocate acceptance.

Now that I have said that last sentence from the above paragraph... I question myself again. Do I have what I call 'closest circle of friends' and are they really that close to me?

I guess not.

The truth is... I have only one person that I really open up myself to. If I lose this one person, then I think I am 10km away from DOOM. That is if I consider only mortal beings.

I do have THE OTHER PERSON who knows me in and out, upside down. Someone that knows me even though I tell HIM nothing. That person is GOD. I am grateful that if and when I lose the person above, then I have HIM to turn to or else... I will not know what to look forward to. I do not mean to imply that I might commit suicide because I won't ever do that in my conscious mind.

I am indeed wise enough to know that life has much beautiful things to offer and death by suicide rips apart the beautiful picture. I might be depressed and smudge the picture with my tears but not tearing it. Tears eventually dry and the picture can be repainted with something new, something that is fresh and hopeful.

Besides the two most important person in my life... well, there are others too. This is not about you dear reader but me. Do not feel offended in any way that I am not close to you. This is just my personality and the way I am. I do want to change.

I want to be more friendly and to be someone that will go the extra mile to make friends and create a lasting friendship but I know that will require me to go out of my comfort zone.

Many leaders said that in order to experience growth, we need to go out of our way, out of comfort to experience something new that will teach us valuable lessons.

I agree. So, I am trying and learning. I begin to ask people out for a chat over tea, dinner and breakfast. Recently, I made a friend over lunch and I really would like to get to know her better. I do sincerely. I want to help my friends with just anything at all that is within my ability.

God, you got to teach me how because I do not know.